I'm Not the Lonely One

by Aviator

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released November 8, 2011

Produced by Aviator
Engineered by Aviv Marotz
Mixed by Mike Moschetto
Recorded at Taylor Barefoot Productions (Brighton, MA) August 2011
Mastered by Rob Gonnella at New Alliance East (Cambridge, MA) October 2011

TJ Copello - vocals
Aviv Marotz - drums
Mat Morin - guitar
Mike Moschetto - bass
Mike Russo - guitar, vocals

Guest vocals on track 1 by Bryan Carifio of My Fictions

Artwork by Tali Marotz



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Fluent, tasty, assured, mature, authoritative, individual, big, bustling, hard, virile, very masculine, sinuous, sinewy, muscular, thoughtful, modern (yet rooted in tradition), imaginative, sensitive, consistently fine.


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Track Name: Acceptance Is Denial
Tonight indecision rests its head and you will seek to feel content. Day by day with nothing real beneath the brick and all you feel. When your hands and mine held the sands of time, our hearts broke with the hour glass and like the sands of time through these hands of mine, our love fell victim to the cracks. Because all we knew was how to fall behind and behind is all I’ve seen. Reality we could not see.
Track Name: Denial Is Despondency
“I’m not the lonely one." I sit alone, looking out this weathered window of this empty apartment, to snow-covered streets below. “What a sight for sore eyes. What a sight…” This cold place I call my home, for now, nothing more than a concrete box with hallways and empty rooms I use to stack and store my thoughts. Kill the heat and the lights stay off. Closed doors remain locked. I just sit in my bedroom alone waiting for anyone to knock. “HOLD A TRUE FRIEND WITH BOTH YOUR HANDS” carved into the grain of my guitar, and the only hands I’ll ever hold are in the pictures I draw. These sad songs I sing are not a cry for help. I see you’ve noticed all my worries placed upon this shelf, and though they’re on display, they won’t ever be touched. I’ll sit and watch these bills of life pile up unpaid, the many friends who’ve left, and the few who’ve stayed – all these things, they take their place along that shelf to collect dust. I’ll manifest happiness for you all to see, but cigarette smoke-stained walls haven’t come clean since I sung my heart out to watch it die on the floor. Feels like I’ve lived a lifetime within a single day, waking up the next day feeling less okay than I did the day before...a self-proclaimed “old man” at age 24. I’ll bet you see right through me. I have placed my faith in doubt so I pray To Whom It May Concern that no one finds me until I find myself.
Track Name: Despondency Is Unhappiness
Every chance I get to make myself feel worse, I sabotage myself to find the perfect words. I just love my doubt too much to let it out, too much to let it go. I guess I’ll never know how to make myself seem the way you see me. Deep within gray gallows of my mind where there lies a labyrinth of wasted time, it seems that my pen won’t leak a single line until I saturate myself in isolation. These feelings, I may keep them tucked away, but they’ll remain until I’m content with the pain. Until then, they will always be found on my lips and the words I write down.
Track Name: Unhappiness Is Loneliness
With your hands around my neck, I can feel my patience snapping. It’s an exhilarating feeling to be the one to break it, isn’t it? Feels as though you’re all I’ve ever known, and yet, we haven’t laughed in years, I’ve made you cry so many tears, and by the ocean’s tide, with my stubborn pride, I hide from all my fears. With every wave, my guilt is washed away, I forget you hold my name, I’m free. With every line that I cast into the sea, there is less hope for you and me. And though I always will remember that day, 30 years or so have floated away. Through rusty picture frames and film grain, we’ve stayed. Our fingers have grown too haggard to hold the matching wedding bands we once adored. Will we hang a white flag from our family tree when our own children decide not to believe in a concept of “we”? I light this cigarette; inhale a sense of confidence in hopes that I can repair stress. Unfinished floorboards support our weary legs. We made this bed and I’ve lost privilege to rest my head until I give this heart from my chest. We skip forgiveness to forget, and often times I feel like maybe I’d be better off in someone else’s shoes. Other times I feel like I’d be miserable with anyone but you. Look into my eyes. See the reflection of what’s inside. I would no longer hide in every wave and every line. I realize it takes a selfless man to say goodbye. Silently pleading with my second self to stand by my side to carry me back from this path I have already walked so far down.
Track Name: I'm Not the Lonely One
These street lights won’t guide me home. No maps lead to where I’m going: a place to rest my head. The skyline is so unassuring. I’m not missing out. I’m doing just fine here by myself. I’m not the lonely one. I’m living just as well as anyone else. I’ve seen more than you could imagine, more than your chest can handle. Looking up, I see hollow eyes looking down on me. In an instant, I could sink them like a stone, cut their egos to the bone. Surrounded by ignorance, I am a monument. Walking by windows, I can see reflections of the dead, the ghosts of their own regrets patiently waiting to be taken home to rest. My home is where I left behind my legacy on a cardboard sign that reads, “As long as I have my peace of mind, this place can have the rest of me. As long as my words remain inscribed, this world won’t hear the last of me.”