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Loneliness Leaves The Light On For Me

by Aviator

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1.
Last night everything changed Woke up this morning in a state of grace Out of it by noon Why must I be the first to speak? How come I was the last to know? Still it never was your fault I never said it was And I'm sorry again, I'm thinking again I'll never understand It wasn't meant for me Phase me out Still I feel wrong Though we said it was resolved Maintained it's no one's fault Still I feel wrong I just need to know And I need to hear it from you To know there's nothing I can do To change your mind I need you to know I would never try I can't know your side You can't be bothered to know mine And still I feel wrong Still I feel wrong Though we said it was resolved Maintained it's no one's fault Still I feel wrong I just don't know what to say I'm writing in a dark room hoping for a light bulb above my head But I'll hold onto what was said I'm writing in a lightning storm waiting for a good line to strike me dead
2.
I watch the colony collapse anxiously, I admit Disorder is all we know and my fear of abandonment Reassure me please I need it constantly A hive too immature Depletion of workers to hold some stability It repeats itself (out of order) We repeat ourselves (out of turn) It refutes itself (out of context) and we're falling out (out of concern) Make memories now Don't wait for the perfect weather Make memories now Don't wait for important days Make memories when it's the little bits that haunt us Make memories when it's the little bits that stain When we speak ourselves in circles we lose ourselves in the cloud
3.
Ad Nauseam 04:19
Ask me again See if my answer's changed at all Since your last interrogation Repetition won't reap any Rewards from me this time I'm an open memoir Dog-eared Fraying at the edges Light-stained pages Obscuring the message What good is it to just reread the same familiar passage Without searching in between the lines? It's the same old story With no change in perspective What were you expecting I've heard broken, skipping records With better things to say Needles jumping grooves At least can be replaced You won't get what you want from me Not anytime soon Let the chips fall where they may Until then just assume It's the same old story If you don't like the answers Try asking better questions Once more from the top This time with feeling Try as I might, try as I may Can't say it any other way
4.
Sleep well, don't wake up Sit tight, don't get up Sit pretty, do your makeup Sit quiet, don't speak I'll sit here all day dreaming of the world that I see on the TV screen I'll stay here all night staring out the window with a fear of what's outside See myself in the mirror, I am shaking my head introverted with glossy eyes Thoughts rich with "I can't"s & "what if"s Got nothing to prove, nothing to hide And it's hopeless. Romanticism gets you nowhere, except hurt With a cinematic view of the world, when will we ever learn? There's something wrong with my skin, It won't shed itself like it used to There's something wrong with my eyes, They don't get wet anymore Grown out of touch with my hands, No empathy for myself or anyone else There's someone dead in this house Don't wake them up Just keep pumping quarters into that machine Hit the feeding bar for answers never received Don't question me, don't question me With fingertips in bandages, drag your knuckles across the broken glass Feel nothing but the feed, another routine on repeat Cut me down, I am a figment of purpose Fill us with your dreams and monotony Build me up We aren't the same with artificial roots There's someone dead in this house Don't wake them up Close the windows of our minds to open windows on a device Digital hands, analog minds. Are we regressing into the dark age? Makeshift cave, illuminated face Pixel mouth with nothing to say Just a white screen to light our way
5.
Tell me you long to feel these hands But I'm afraid of my own skin And I'm afraid I'll rub off this disease I've made up and discontent within You pick me up You breathe me in Now stomp me out I'm wide open You pick me up You breathe me in Now stomp me out Repeat I focus on the wrong things Like the way your lips move when I Should be hearing the words Instead I'm hung up on my desire To feel your lips on mine If only for a second I'd gaze into your eyes If I could hide my own reflection Overthinking the world Undermining myself Because my world revolves Around somebody else I've got a lot to learn about myself Need only say the word And I will let my guard down Just a spoke in the wheel And it keeps turning around I've got a lot to learn about myself Why stop now? I never ask for anything Cause I don't have anything to give Well that just isn't how it works No that just isn't how it works, is it? I've got a lot to work out I've got a lot to work in But I'll give up on work now That I've enough to work with
6.
End Scene 03:03
Faces hang forever above me Pointing fingers and muttering something "You're not getting any younger, son" I'm not feeling any older, man Faces linger forever around me Clapping louder and laughing at nothing Am I not seeing what they are seeing? Fixing myself a plot where I stand The root of all evil doesn't grow on trees You weather the storm or die with the leaves When you haven't got a leg to stand on Walk it off Work it off Follow Still I fall Will not follow Even when I falter The sad truth: where's the honor in this? No future
7.
Replaceable Replaceable (We are always) Replaceable I'll fight your lips to hear your words Replaceable Replaceable (We are always) Replaceable I'm just trying to be brave Brave like you You like no one else No one else like you I can't sit still for too long It's why I always go it alone As much as I'd like to I won't wait around anymore Distracted by pictures I read into nothing At the bottom of a cluttered page I've missed the point Close the book instead Close my eyes, forget I haven't lost interest becoming a lost cause I'll fight your lips to hear your words
8.
Staring at a blank screen Pictures and words are there But it's all just static to me Puts a stale taste in my mouth Like my morning coffee But why won't it wake me? I know what I believe I'd rather live aware and reserved Than stumble over my words Wishing I was the one Who taught me what to say It'd make sense to me then Not when talking politics with friends There's no getting through to you Just forget it, man I am no public speaker Until it's time to stand up I am no morning person Until it's time to get out I seem to have lost my train of thought Let me start over, start from the top Can you help me out? I lost my place again Let me reread into everything I just said Rework every fucking word I read And I'm lost again and again and again
9.
These are the ones who notice the patterns These are the ones who disappear after In my state People are temporary These are the ones I depend on most "There's something to be said for time alone" They say I open up too early The mystery is gone I hide my feelings Like you hide me away No cause and effect Just a steady stream of a steady change Funny how you write a song People thank you for letting them in But it seems like everyone's gone When you need them to listen So I put off my feelings Until the next release date Bottle my aggression Until we all can celebrate Last minute, ruin everything If you're gonna be buried alive, you might as well be comfortable Family dinner for one Loneliness leave the light on for me Sings me to sleep
10.
Alive and buried Or dead but widely received Clip the wings of potential And put it back into its cage for good Where do you see yourself in five years Wait til the lights are out and see if anything's changed Where do you see yourself in five months Wait for the ice to melt and see what's revealed Where do you see yourself in five days Wait til the money comes and see if that shit pays Where do you see yourself in five hours Wait til the rain stops and see how I feel Wait til the stars are out and see if anything's changed Wait til the sun comes out and see what remains Are we no one's passion or have we just lost our own? (What if it's all I have? What if there's nothing else?) We are no one's children, hopeless and alone (No matter how loud I yell, who's going to listen now?)

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released June 23, 2017

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Aviator

Fluent, tasty, assured, mature, authoritative, individual, big, bustling, hard, virile, very masculine, sinuous, sinewy, muscular, thoughtful, modern (yet rooted in tradition), imaginative, sensitive, consistently fine.

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